Call The Thunder And Bring The Storm
by amaltheaz
Summary: Angsty Faberry. "Sometimes, you can be in love with somebody and they can love you right back. But it doesn't guarantee you a forever."
1. Call The Thunder And Bring The Storm

**Title: **Call The Thunder And Bring the Storm**  
Author: **amaltheaz / pseudohuman  
**Pairing/s:** Rachel/Quinn**  
Rating: **NC-17... Ish**  
Length: **Does 1394 still count as a drabble? Well, it's the shortest I've written anyway, lol.  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own Glee, or anybody in Glee. This is _so_ not used for profit.**  
Spoilers: **AU  
**Author's Note:** So, this is kind of an angsty one, which physically pained me to write 'cause unhappy endings (you've been fairly warned) make me sad especially when it's kind of based on something that I went through. But it's been kind of an awful day for me and I just wanted to post something so I can feel somewhat good about myself. It's not very long because I wanted to focus on the 'moment'... Or something. Basically, I'm trying something new, lol. There are probably ridiculous amounts of mistakes 'cause I just wrote it but I'll come back and fix it later.  
**Summary: **"Sometimes, you can be in love with somebody and they can love you right back. But it doesn't guarantee you a forever."

**Call The Thunder And Bring The Storm**

"This can't be the end." The blonde shook her head, trying to dispel the harsh reality that was falling on her.

"I don't want it to be. But it has to be."

"But I love you. Doesn't that mean anything?"

The brunette's brown eyes darkened in anger, unable to believe what Quinn was even suggesting. "It means _everything_ to me. There is _nothing_ in this world that means as much as to me, as you loving me."

"Then why are we doing this?"

"I can't live my life like this, Quinn. Constantly wondering, being afraid of when, not if, _when_ you're going to leave me again just because you're scared, again."

It wasn't new, this fight. In fact, it was there even before they got together. It lurked like a thief in the night, waiting to steal their happiness. Quinn couldn't help it, couldn't help that she scared easy, couldn't help that she needed to feel in control of her life. She hated that she couldn't just let go, that she couldn't just take that leap of faith that Rachel always took when it came to them. Quinn didn't know anymore whether she had faith. No, she had faith in Rachel. But she didn't have faith in herself that she could love Rachel the way the brunette deserved. To her credit, Rachel knew when Quinn went through her scared phases. It was so obvious when the blonde was stuck because she would snap at Rachel with biting words, and they would be transported back two years ago when Quinn was Head Cheerio and Rachel was Man-Hands.

Quinn was forgiven every time she got out of her funk because Rachel knew that the blonde and she just loved her more than life itself. And she thought their love could overcome this particularly huge hurdle. But they were fooling each other with false hopes and it had all finally come down to this. After one too many harsh words, meaningless and thoughtless actions, Rachel just couldn't take it anymore.

"I love you," she said, hoping that the three words that first made Rachel hers, would work in letting her keep the brunette.

Rachel didn't respond but Quinn knew that Rachel heard her. She took the smaller girt's hand in hers, clutching at it like she was about to die. And in a way, she was. "I love you," she repeated desperately.

"I know," the brunette replied, her brown eyes letting Quinn know that Rachel _wanted_ to say those three words back. God, she wanted to say them because there was no way she could ever stop loving the blonde. All her life Rachel felt everything was set on a path for her and Quinn was spontaneous and different, and she made Rachel see that it wasn't so bad to not stick to the plan. That life could be better if she just stopped to breathe. And Quinn was that very breath of fresh air that Rachel took into her lungs every single time she needed it. But Rachel couldn't say the words because she knew she had to be the strong one. Quinn was going to keep holding on to her and Rachel knew that she had to let go first. She was tired of always being the one that had to chase Quinn down, to convince her that they could make this work.

"I love you," Quinn cried out.

"I know," came that same reply in a teary whisper.

Quinn then stood in front of Rachel, stood nose to nose until brown eyes finally met her. The blonde took one last look at her love with her luxurious chestnut locks that she used to spend days running her fingers through and delicious plump lips that she could never get enough of; and they stared at each other in silence when Quinn carefully laid a warm hand on Rachel's tearful cheek, breaking the spell they were under. And just like that, Rachel raised her own hand behind Quinn's neck, tugging at the silky blonde hair while pulling the girl towards her into what started out as a hard, angry kiss that turned into one full of yearning, longing and surrender. She pushed Quinn down on the bed, keeping their lips locked on each other, and they fell breathless and broken.

Because this was the end and they knew it. But they couldn't stop themselves from letting their hands roam over clothes and then under them, seeking to touch warm flesh that was by then so familiar to them but always felt so unfamiliar every single time. Soon enough they were stripping each other off their garments. Stripping each others layers until they lay naked, pressed against each other, wishing they could melt into each other so they would never have to let go, so they would never have to be without each other.

"I love you," the blonde said, unable to stop herself from saying it again. Unable to stop her heart speeding like a racehorse. Unable to stop her pulse racing like it's being chased by bulls. She couldn't stop because this was what Rachel did to her. This was the effect that Rachel had on her. Quinn's body was a slave to Rachel's knowing, urgent hands. They moved with a purpose of wanting to tenderly conquer, with a hungry desire that was insatiable, and this time, with a bittersweet finality that neither wanted to face.

"I know," Rachel moaned out, as Quinn left soaking wet tears that followed hard bites and soothing licks on sensitive, tanned flesh.

* * *

The blonde sprung into action, her hands reaching out to the petite body that was climbing out of her bed. "Please don't go," she begged, keeping a claw-like grip on Rachel's waist.

"Quinn, I have to," the brunette whispered.

"No, please. You can go in the morning but please, if this is the end, let me just keep you for one more night," Quinn pleaded, pulling with her hands until she was kneeling behind Rachel, desperately holding the brunette's naked form to her body. "I just want to feel you," she rasped out, nuzzling her face into Rachel's hair.

Rachel shuddered, feeling the exquisite softness of Quinn's body against her back and she sighed, nodding. She turned around and then laid herself back down to perfectly curl into Quinn's body. She wrapped her arms around the blonde's slim waist and nuzzled her nose into Quinn's neck. She breathed in the only person she would ever love, she breathed in until her lungs couldn't take it, until she felt her lungs could burst. She wanted to capture Quinn's scent, wanted to trap it inside her forever so that she would always have this part of her. So she would always be home, no matter where she was in the world. Rachel licked her lips, closing her eyes and moaning quietly in pleasure as the tangy taste of Quinn greeted her tongue. She kept her ear to Quinn's chest, listening to every steady beat of her heart, committing the rhythmic sound to her memory, knowing that this is the only music she'll ever hear from now on.

"I love you, Rachel."

And they fell asleep to the rhythm of their broken hearts.

* * *

Quinn woke up to the cold air enveloping her back. Cold air that reminded her too much of the loss of warmth and love that she could never get back. This was how it was going to be from now on, cold everywhere around her and everywhere _inside_ her. Everything was just so _cold_. She flipped around to lay on her back, to look up at the ceiling and stare at the glow-in-the-dark stars that Rachel had stuck on one restless afternoon that now felt like an eternity ago. A rustling stopped her movement, and she reached her arm behind her, grabbing hold of a piece of paper that had stuck on her back. She recognized Rachel's fluid handwriting as she traced her name on this particular parchment with her eyes. She unfolded it carefully with the knowledge that this was the very last thing she would ever have of Rachel, and as she read it, she finally let the tears fall.

"_I love you too."_

_Of this tragic ending  
Running out of things to say  
Wash the sheets  
And clear your head  
You'll be okay  
But bury me deep down  
In every song you play  
_Rachael Yamagata – Pause The Tragic Ending

**- THE END -**


	2. Like A Hand That Won't Stay

**Title: **Like A Hand That Won't Stay On My Shoulder**  
Author: **amaltheaz / pseudohuman  
**Pairing/s:** Past Rachel/Quinn**  
Rating: **PG**  
Length: **1117 words  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own Glee, or anybody in Glee. This is _so_ not used for profit.**  
Spoilers: **AU  
**Author's Note:** I didn't actually plan on writing this but I've been kind of in a weird mood today. This is from Quinn's point-of-view of how things have been since. I've put this together with **CTTABTS **in case I decide to write another one-shot in Rachel's point-of-view. It's ridiculously short (for me anyway) and if it seems chaotic and very convoluted, then... I totally meant to make it like that, lol. Ending is also kind of abrupt I think, but my muse had nothing more for me to say so I left it as is. Anything else I thought of adding just didn't look right.  
**Author's Note#2: **No, it's not any happier. I'm sorry, :-/.

**Like A Hand That Won't Stay On My Shoulder**

As far as letters went, it wasn't really anything special. There weren't any flowery words, no vows of love for eternity, no declaring promises of crawling over molten coals to be with her, or walking to the ends of the earth for her. Quinn kept it anyway. In the small pocket of her purse, since that cold morning when she first read it, that piece of paper was safely tucked inside. It was easy to see that this letter had been opened, read and refolded so many times that the creases had by now bruised away most of the ink. But Quinn remembered what it said. There were only four words. So even if she couldn't see them anymore, she could never forget them.

"_I love you too."_

Quinn wanted to forget though. Wanted to forget how this note came to be in the first place; _why_ it came to be. Wanted to erase from her mind, the elegant blue lines and cursive loops that had been tenderly etched in the early hours of the morning as she laid in bed, sleeping and blissfully unaware then of the cold that she would feel when she woke up later. Throwing the note away would have been useless as the words were forever seared into her brain and into her heart. The words became the blood that coursed through her veins, giving her the life to somehow pull through. The words were the water to her permanently thirsty soul.

They brought memories of desperate touches that skimmed over hot, sweaty flesh that ached to never stop wanting; of kiss swollen lips that left prints all over her body like a scar that would never fade; of a name that she had valiantly tried never to say out loud ever again since that night. A name that she had kept inside her heart, within the prison of her own lips. And her skin itched to feel the familiar press of that exquisite, tanned form against hers. Fingers twitched nervously, wanting nothing more than to brush through long, wavy chestnut locks.

Whenever Quinn closed her eyes, she saw herself lying in bed with the girl on top of her, giving her the smile that always shattered _everything_ inside her, only to put it all back together again with a kiss. She felt those phantom touches tracing invisible paths over her sensitive flesh, feather-light and tender, threatening to break her with every graze. The brunette was like a ghost and Quinn could still hear the haunting echoes of her voice crooning beautiful words of love, of boundless passion and promises. She could still feel her singer's melody vibrating all the way through her body, a pleasant hum that she could still so very easily recall. Light breezes blowing over her made her think of heavy panted breaths in a locked room, of loud and wanton cries cutting through the silence. Quinn tried to onto the vision of her love with a fierce iron-like grip but the harsh light of reality always managed to pierced through the blissful dream. And only Quinn was still there. still living in that dream except that her arms were now empty as was her heart. There was no comfortable weight bearing down on her, no limbs tangled with hers and no heart beating against hers.

She saw her sometimes. Living in a small town, it wasn't exactly a hard task to know where the girl was, or what she was doing most of the time. Quinn couldn't stop herself. She wanted to see her. Seeing her made the burning pain inside Quinn recede just a little bit, just for those few moments. Until a whole new hurt took over, when all she wanted to do was to rush over and take the girl back in her arms and never let go. To get down on her knees and plead for her love to return. But Quinn feared that if she tried and somehow succeeded, she would inevitably ruin everything again and would land right back where she started.

Alone and yearning for a love that she was not capable of keeping.

Quinn knew her mistakes and she knew them well. She loved her brunette so much, knew in the deepest of her soul that she could never live without the girl, but Quinn was also so full of pride and hated that this love made everything seem so out of balance. She hated that she couldn't tell up from down and left from right anymore. So she would lash out without thinking, digging herself a very deep grave. The panic would fade. She would see what she had done and she would clearly see that she had hurt the person she needed the most in the world and she would beg for absolution. It was a pattern. For Quinn to push and pull away so constantly. For the brunette to welcome her back with sorrow in her eyes and a further battered heart. If only Quinn knew when it became too much and too far, when she began to lose out on love. Maybe she would have stopped.

Maybe.

The blonde could only take some comfort in the knowledge that the other girl loved her to be able to forgive her the many times before. And she knew if she could go back, she would replace all those hurtful words with things she had buried in her heart, deep inside because she was scared of appearing weak, of showing too much. There had been times when she would open her mouth, ready to say something that would declare her love but Quinn could never seem to find it in herself to say them. Simple things to say and it _should_ have been easy before because she knew she felt them. And she knew that the brunette wouldn't have left her feeling vulnerable, wouldn't have her thinking that her feelings weren't reciprocated.

In flashbacks, she often saw herself looking deep into patient brown eyes when the words would fly up from her chest and into her throat, only to be stopped by insecurity. She remembered the bright spark in those dark eyes dulling with every word she never uttered; the fire that was steadily getting extinguished by her fear. If she had the courage and the strength, if she hadn't been so stupid and wasted her chances with her, Quinn would have grabbed her and tell her the meaningful truth that never should have been kept from her in the first place.

_I miss you._

Now, they were all that she could think. Now, they were all she could _feel_.

And now, they were all she had left.

_I can silence the voice in my head and hear you instead  
Whisper and sing for me again, rise from the dead  
_Lauren Hoffman – Ghost You Know

- **THE END -**


End file.
